An Untold Story

Almost four decades ago, my mum went for an abortion and I did not get to have another younger siblings, forty years later, they cite reasons such as we were living on a tight budget and there are also fines imposed by the late Prime Minister “2 child population policy” to prevent an “population explosion”

Four decades later, me and my parents are still coming to grips with that decision, it had affected us , physically , mentally, emotional, spiritually.

Almost like a generation curse, I was also involved in another abortion, almost two decades ago.

I got involved in an affair and it ended with an unwanted pregnancy’s and as I listened to the details of the operation, I was completely taken aback and aghast that I have aided in the murder of an unborn child.

Almost two decades ago, I was in tears as I flew from Singapore to Los Angeles, shortly after than, I received Christ’s Salvation , that took place on a wooden cross, for me, at a little Church at Big Pine Key, Key West, Florida.

A child is the joint effort between a male and a female, for consenting married adults , it is a labor of love , for crime actions involving rapes , it may involved a child growing up without a father figure.

So, a child is an act of love or lust, depending on how the sexual intercourse took place.

And God had already set life to begin inside the womb.

The act of the abortion will take a toll on both men and women,

Abortion is not healthcare. It tears the baby out of the womb and the woman undergoes trauma.

Women are often physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually scarred because of the abortion,

My mental and emotional and spiritual wounds are healing and still being redeemed by the Lord.

And because He redeems our life, I am released of guilt, shame, condemnation, when we repent.

 He made Christ who knew no sin to [judicially] be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we would become the righteousness of God [that is, we would be made acceptable to Him and placed in a right relationship with Him by His gracious lovingkindness].

2 Corinthians 5:21 AMPC

A wise couple continually reminds me, parenting is not for the faint-hearted. I agree and it is so true for me today.

I hope you would choose life and not death.

The unborn have no voice, we are their voice and protectors.

Adrian Tan K S, 27th June 2022/ 28th Sivan 5782.

Prepare your oil (Episode 1)

25 Then the kingdom of heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom.

² Five of them were foolish (thoughtless, without forethought) and five were wise (sensible, intelligent, and prudent).

³ For when the foolish took their lamps, they did not take any [extra] oil with them;

⁴ But the wise took flasks of oil along with them [also] with their lamps.

⁵ While the bridegroom lingered and was slow in coming, they all began nodding their heads, and they fell asleep.

⁶ But at midnight there was a shout, Behold, the bridegroom! Go out to meet him!

⁷ Then all those virgins got up and put their own lamps in order.

⁸ And the foolish said to the wise, Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.

⁹ But the wise replied, There will not be enough for us and for you; go instead to the dealers and buy for yourselves.

¹⁰ But while they were going away to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were prepared went in with him to the marriage feast; and the door was shut.

¹¹ Later the other virgins also came and said, Lord, Lord, open [the door] to us!

¹² But He replied, I solemnly declare to you, I do not know you [I am not acquainted with you].

¹³ Watch therefore [give strict attention and be cautious and active], for you know neither the day nor the hour when the Son of Man will come. Matthew 25:1-13 

This is a parable for the End Times and it is applicable for Christians and Believers.

I use the terms for Christians and Believers because in a cultural context in Singapore, we called a Believer a “Christian by name only” if he/she does not exhibit the qualities and fruits of the Holy Spirit.

In a Jewish wedding, a Covenant is made a year before the actual wedding, the Bridegroom will go and prepare a place in his father’s house for a place to stay after their marriage.

The bride price is paid

And the bride is set apart.

The bride would not know the time of the bridegroom return, usually after midnight.

The bridesmaid, signifying us, would be awaiting the arrival of the bridegroom, to receive his bride and go to the 7 days wedding feast, since this takes place at or after midnight, the bridesmaid need to prepare their oil lamps.

Each one would carry one oil lamp and extra supply of oil.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105 AMPC

There was no street lamps or city lights back then in Israel.

20 My son, keep your father’s [God-given] commandment and forsake not the law of [God] your mother [taught you].

²¹ Bind them continually upon your heart and tie them about your neck.

²² When you go, they [the words of your parents’ God] shall lead you; when you sleep, they shall keep you; and when you waken, they shall talk with you.

²³ For the commandment is a lamp, and the whole teaching [of the law] is light, and reproofs of discipline are the way of life,

²⁴ To keep you from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a loose woman.

²⁵ Lust not after her beauty in your heart, neither let her capture you with her eyelids.

²⁶ For on account of a harlot a man is brought to a piece of bread, and the adulteress stalks and snares [as with a hook] the precious life [of a man].

²⁷ Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned?

²⁸ Can one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burned?

²⁹ So he who cohabits with his neighbor’s wife [will be tortured with evil consequences and just retribution]; he who touches her shall not be innocent or go unpunished. Proverbs 6:20-29 AMPC 

The context in the wise and foolish virgins is that they are not defiled. They have not commit adultery, naturally and spiritually.

It speaks of the Christians in-name-only and the true believers.

It is a sobering thought and statistics, it is a 50-50 equation.

Five are wise, walking circumspectly, knowing the times, living a life of sanctification and consecration.

Five are foolish or double-minded. They did not pay the price to get extra oil for their lamp.

The spirit of man [that factor in human personality which proceeds immediately from God] is the lamp of the Lord, searching all his innermost parts. Proverbs 20:27 AMPC

Isaiah 55:1-2 speaks of buying wine and milk without money and price.

So how do we pay for the olive oil?

May I suggest, only at Gethsemane.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

When we bend our will.

To obey God, often described as painful.

Olives become olive oil.

For Jesus, it was so hard pressing, that the whole weight of our Salvation was upon Him, drops of sweat like blood appeared on his forehead. (Luke 22:44)

For 50% of us, it would properly be some agony and many tears.

This is the part that separates the oil out of the many olives.

The price of oil is more expensive than olives.

Why? Because of the process of pain that it went through.

Because of the crushing that it went through

Because of the weight it went through

And the filtration process before it becomes olive oil

Gethsemane.

Jesus was set like a flint on his mission. (Isaiah 50:7)

TO BE CONTINUE

Writings on the sand.

 Now early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them. ³ Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, ⁴ they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. ⁵ Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?”  ⁶ This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. 

⁷ So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” ⁸ And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. ⁹ Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. ¹⁰ When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her,  “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”

¹¹ She said, “No one, Lord.”

And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and  sin no more.”

¹² Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” 

John 8:2-12 NKJV

Jesus stood in the line of hurling rocks and defended a woman.

He was truly a defender of the fatherless, hurting and the marginalized.

A hurling rock can kill, it is still happening today in Israel and Gaza Strip.

And Jesus did not had a helmet or protective face shield on Him in those days.

I am turning forty this year. The older I get, the more aware of the failings of my own heart, eyes, and flesh.

Whatever Jesus wrote on the ground, I would like to acquire of it from Him in Eternity.

I love the fact that Jesus does not condemn us and He forgives us continually, and tells us ” Go and sin no more.”

Thank you Jesus , for all that You have done for us. May we not be quick to condemn but quick to love.

Tan Kok Siang

13th March 2016.

 

Genesis 22:8 , A Lesson On Obedience

Abraham said, “Son, God will see to it that there’s a sheep for the burnt offering.” And they kept on walking together. Genesis 22:8 MSG

I was reading this chapter in the last week of January 2015

I felt the Holy Spirit told me, “This is not just about an offering, it is about (your) obedience. ”

This story is not just about Abraham’s willingness to offer Isaac.

It was about His obedience to God. When it does not make sense

“I am listening.” It was written of Abraham in Gen 22:1

It speaks of a close communion with God.

When we obey, God will make a way out for us.

It is not by our own efforts

God will do His part, even the hard part of offering up His One and Only Son, 2000 years later on the same hill.

So that Salvation can be available to all.

May we be ever hearing of God’s leading on our lives, and may we be willing to obey

Tan Kok Siang ,

7th February 2015

A scarlet rope.

By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days. By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace. Hebrews 11:30-31

Rahab by faith or by fear, hid the two spies on a roof and hidden them with stalks of orderly flax. In the account from Joshua 1.

After the Jericho’s men pursued them on the road to Jordan (Joshua 1 V 7)

Rahab pleaded with the two unnamed spies to spare her family. ( V 12 -13 )

Then she let them down by a rope through a window. ( V 15 )

Her house was on the city wall, she dwelt on the wall, plying her trade, it was also an unsafe place to be, in the event of an attack, the walls are the first to be rained on by artillery, such as flaming arrows.

Even if the rope was scarlet, it did not matter, it was not conspicuous because they fled at night and went to the mountains for three days. (V 16 )

There was a binding agreement, Rahab need to tie the scarlet rope in the window. It would properly have to go up to the roof top beams, the whole family would be able to see it.

The Israelite soldiers upon identifying this particular house, would spare her entire family when they attacked the city of Jericho after the walls were flattened!

Joshua personally gave an order(Joshua 6:22) for the two spies to bring Rahab and her family to safety, and left them outside the camp of Israel.

Rahab’s name is mentioned in Hebrews 11! She is justified by faith through her works! (James 2:25)

And not only that, she was in the lineage that gave birth to David!

Salmon begot Boaz by Rahab, Boaz begot Obed by Ruth, Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David the king. Matthew 1:5-6

Boaz was a type of our Kinsman – Redeemer , Naomi symbolize Israel, Ruth symbolize Gentile bride(us!)

And twenty eight generation after David, Jesus Christ was born! Hallelujah ! (Ruth 4:21-22, Matthew 1:17)

Can you see the amazing rope of connection from The Old Testament to The New Testament?!

Rahab by faith, saved her entire family, spoken of by Joshua, a type and forerunner of Jesus Christ.

The scarlet rope came from the top of a window to the ground.

And is present through the ages till Christ is born! It speaks of safety, a binding agreement not easily broken!

This is a long story of redemption, justification by faith!For all of us!

Jesus Christ is our red rope, from The Old Testament to The New Testament! Hallelujah!

He saves completely!

Isaiah 40:11, a scripture of leadership & comfort for us as parents

He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those who are with young. Isaiah 40:11

The Lord is our good shepherd,

1. David declared I shall not be in want. (Psam 23:1)
I may have to quit worrying and follow the leading of the shepherd to a plentiful pasture.

In Ezekiel 34:11-16 , God describe Himself as a shepherd.

In the New Testament, Jesus describe Himself as the good shepherd. (John 10:1-16)

Jesus mentioned two times in the passage that I am the good shepherd.

I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own. John 10:14

This OT Scriptures bring encouragement and comfort to us,

It can be briefly translated to mean the following;

2. He will take account of us, He will gather us, with His arms, He is involved. God is personally interested in our lives.

3. And carry us in His bosom, a place of closeness, intimacy, nearness and warmth, God wants us to hear His heartbeat, He is affectionate to us. He wants to show His tender mercies to us. We are not lost sheep.

4. Last but not least, this is for parents! God will also gently lead us who have young ones. God is not overbearing on us, He will gently lead us.

I hope you are bless.

Scriptures for comfort(after the loss of a young one)

Recently, I had a thought of compiling some verses for comfort and encouragements, they are by no means exhaustive.

In this case, to couples, husbands and mothers who may had lost a young one due to an accident or miscarriage,

Knowing this, that our children is in a better place in Heaven, surrounded by angels and in the Presence of God Himself. They will grow up under the watchful eyes of Jesus,

In Heaven and eternity, there is no sickness, no deformity, no unformed hearts,

King David also felt this way when he was face with the grief of losing a baby,

And he said, “While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ 23 But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:22

Will we see our child again? yes, infants and young children are too young to make a conscious decision to obey or to deny the existence of God. Yes, God had formed them in the womb. God loves them more than we can. And God has a special place in His heart and Kingdom for little children, He said , Let the children come.

We will grieve and weep,

Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

His mercies are new every morning.

Thou we may feel like it is a dead end,

Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:1-2

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:17-18

To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:3

And in an earlier verse,

He has sent Me(Jesus) to heal the brokenhearted, Isaiah 61:1

Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

God will heal you.

Our body here on earth is temporal, one day, we will put on the incorruptible ressurrected body, and will be with Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:53-54)

And our children.

I hope you are comforted.

Tan Kok Siang, August 2013

photo taken from flickr

Psalm 144:12, some reflections

Recently in my daily reading, I read Psalm 144

I came across something on children,

May our sons flourish in their youth
like well-nurtured plants.
May our daughters be like graceful pillars,
carved to beautify a palace. Psalm 144:12 NLT

Then our sons in their youth
will be like well-nurtured plants,
and our daughters will be like pillars
carved to adorn a palace. NIV

Make our sons in their prime
like sturdy oak trees,
Our daughters as shapely and bright
as fields of wildflowers. The Message version

Little and young men ought to be cultivated with manners!

And like a well nurtured plant, pruned of bad habits, reaching for the sunlight.

And watered with the Living Water.

A pillar is a refined piece of artechiture,

It speaks of a rock that was selected and hewn out, carved to shape,

It is able to hold up the roof in the palace.

In this case for the daughters, it speaks of elegance, polished and holding her own.

With a foundation in the Rock of ages, it speaks of sturdiness

In the presence of a King. May our daughters be in the presence of our King Jesus, found in His courts with thanksiving and praise.

I hope you are bless

Tan Kok Siang, August 2013

God’s Scriptures for you to profess(conceive)

Dear friends,

Some of us may be married and had been trying to have a baby,

Personally, I had felt frustrated, lost the loving feeling, for a season, when our marriage is focused on trying to conceive.

The Bible indeed said that it is a source of sadness and frustration,

There are three things that are never satisfied,
Four never say, “Enough!”:
The grave,
The barren womb,
The earth that is not satisfied with water—
And the fire never says, “Enough!” Proverbs 30:15-16

I personally struggled 4 years into our marriage before we had our baby, the process is never easy on the emotions and finances, the struggles can never be compared to another couple who may be still trying after 6, 9, 10, 14 or even longer.

Here are some Scriptures, by no means exhaustive, for you to read, mediate, believe, visualise and importantly, to speak it out.

I acted by faith too, even way before, I was married, before we had our child, I would prayed and profess, “One day, I am going to be a father! ”

I would go to a book store and get children bibles with colorful drawings. And as I read it, I would also say ” One day, I am going to read this to my children and let them to know God.”

May the following Scriptures help you to build your faith, for faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. (Romans 10:17)

Then He brought him(Abram) outside and said, “Look now toward heaven, and count the stars if you are able to number them.” And He said to him, “So shall your descendants be.”
And he believed in the Lord, and He accounted it to him for righteousness.
Genesis 15:5-6

Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb. And she conceived and bore a son, and said, “God has taken away my reproach.” So she called his name Joseph, and said, “The Lord shall add to me another son.” Genesis 30:22-24

And He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flock, in the land of which He swore to your fathers to give you. You shall be blessed above all peoples; there shall not be a male or female barren among you or among your livestock. And the Lord will take away from you all sickness, and will afflict you with none of the terrible diseases of Egypt which you have known, but will lay them on all those who hate you. Deuteronomy 7:13-15

“Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks Deuteronomy 28:4

Therefore God dealt well with the midwives, and the people multiplied and grew very mighty. And so it was, because the midwives feared God, that He provided households for them. Exodus 1:20-21

No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days. Exodus 23:26

So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:20

And the Angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, “Indeed now, you are barren and have borne no children, but you shall conceive and bear a son(Samson). Judges 13:3

He grants the barren woman a home,
Like a joyful mother of children.
Praise the Lord! Psalm 113:9

But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your prayer is heard; and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth. For he will be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will also be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother’s womb. Luke 1:13-15

And further down the same chapter,

Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren. For with God nothing will be impossible.” Luke 1: 36-37

Let us believe, that with God, nothing is impossible! for every word that God has spoken to you, it will not be possible that God’s word will return to Him void, keep on believing!

Another Scripture in The New Testament,

And not being weak in faith, he(Abraham) did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. Romans 4:19-21

I hope you were encouraged.

Tan Kok Siang
25th June 2013

Photo taken by Narmit Khaira & Eileen of Blushed Photography

Scriptures from New King James Version.

God will make everything beautiful in it’s own time.

On Thursday 18th April 2013, my precious little girl was born.

It was an ardous 17 hours since admission at 1145hrs the previous night on Wed, 10.5 hours of labour, 1 hour of pushing, and finally by suction cap on her little head, she was born into the world at 18:29:43(approximately).

I read a bit of the Old Testament at 6am, on how David danced before the Ark vigourously. I prayed for my wife, and I worshiped, “God, whatever comes my way, I will trust you.” in the privacy of the birth room assigned to us by a kind nurse Annie, who noticed that I was coughing.

I remember vividly how I told my dear wife, Phoebe, “Dear, I can see her head, she is coming out now.”

It was the wait of a lifetime, Eloise our girl had spent 40 weeks and 4 days in the womb, I had waited a lifetime for her and to be a father.

The joy was somewhat short-lived as I notice her little body and some deep purple veins running down the right side of her beautiful little face.

I started to notice that they were turning in color from purple to red, my mind was actually questioning God, “God, is this some kind of a cruel joke? Is this the life that I am suppose to live with? How many trials do You want to send us?”

Asd I looked at little Eloise with many questions in my mind, I only told God, ” God, I will(still,always) love her.”

The Devil or me, had a target practice time shooting numerous sneers at me , “It must be your previous sins” “It must be your sin problem, ” Patches only look good on dogs.” “you had been reading so many parenting books, now I shall see how you’re going to apply them in your life! ” he is an accuser, afterall.

As I looked back and forth between my wife and baby, after I had snipped her umblicial cord. I made a conscious effort to push them out of my mind.

Eloise weights a healthy 3.24kg when she was born. The pediatrician did not bring a good report, informing me in my tumbling state of mind that little Eloise had insufficient supply of nerve fibers on her face, portwine stain(PWS) as she called it, some of the capillaries are missing the nerves to send blood back to the heart so the area appears red. And as it was very near to her eyes and scalp, it might affect her eyesight and cause seizure. What kind of news to hear on your daughter’s birthday?

I made 3 professions everyday, as I look at my lovely girl that was borned to us after 4 years of waiting. I refused to accept the finality of the Doc’s verdict, because I don’t want to consciously remind myself of bad news, it causes me to be down and ineffective. I remembered reading that faith is accepting the present reality, denying the finality of the outcome and putting your trust in God.

1- Both her eyes can see properly, her vision will be clear
2- She will not have brain seizure (caused by Sturge-Weber syndrome)
3- Her face will be restored beautifully.

I went home that night, looked up 1 Samuel 16:7, and knew that I would need to build up her self-esteem and let her know the meaning of this verse.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees;[a] for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

On Saturday 20th April, our friend, Joanna Teo, texted me The Message version of Psalm 139:13-16

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.

I came to the conclusion that God loves her very much. Who am I to argue with God?

And I will begin our journey of parenthood and my fatherhood.

As of now, our girl is healthy, both her eyes are moving well! Praise the Lord!